mypowerplan.myfreeforum.org :: The Lighter Side Of Plan4Power Members

sstack2

Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of
natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of
the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no
one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

cathyromine

Sharon, I knew you had it in you, lol
Those are great! Thanks...

all-u-need

Along those same lines, Sharon, I have always wondered who the heck came up with the idea to make cheese?
Dunno if it's already been done; but John Cleese or George Carlin or some other character could write a classic comedy screenplay on the subject.
I mean what kind of wacko...

walkingeagle37

How do these people survive?

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve,"
was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

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I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the"divider", looking it all over for the
bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me,
"Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote," she answered, handing it and the car keys
to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,

"Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

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Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
of typing paper.
What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,
put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

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A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs
to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.
The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer..... "
Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency!"

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Life is tough...

it's tougher if you're stupid

sstack2

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my Kitten gave to me....

Twelve minutes purring.
Eleven broken knick-knacks.
Ten well-chewed ribbons.
Nine furry hairballs.
Eight midnight frolics.
Seven soggy cat toys.
Six piles of cat p*op.
Five...head....less...mice.
Four shredded chairs.
Three bird feathers.
Two vet bills.
And a toppled over Christmas tree.