mypowerplan.myfreeforum.org :: The Lighter Side Of Plan4Power Members

Leon

Can you just assign the <img> </img> code into a post?

I'll send you the link to the picture.

DougTidwell

It is 2:45 am and I am cracking up laughing.

Good stuff Leon and Cathy, thanks.

Doug

walkingeagle37

Hokay Leon, I'm back. You can take a short break.

An elderly man had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. one of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.

walkingeagle37

Pedro

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,
the
son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history: "Who
said
'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the
people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the
earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro,
who
is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she
demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? S__k this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little F*%!%r!!. If
you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh hell, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck!"

Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?"

Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"

Lucinda

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES IN VEGAS THAN THERE ARE CASINOS.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO CASH IN THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.

THIS WORK IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.

Lucinda

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

Lucinda

> >THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
> >
> > After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as
>they
> > could not afford a larger bed.
> >
> > So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
> > cousin didn't want to have any more children.
> >
> > The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
> > could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly
> > alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
> > (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then
>hold
> > the can up to your ear and count to 10."
> >
> > The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the
> > shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my
> > ear is going to help me."
> >
> > "Trust me," said the doctor.
> >
> > So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
> >
> > He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
> >
> > "1"
> >
> > "2"
> >
> > "3"
> >
> > "4"
> >
> > "5"
>
>
> > At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
> > continued counting on his other hand.
> >
> > This procedure also works in Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana,
> > Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC.

cathyromine

"Hey! I'm From Alabama"!!!!!!!!!!

You think it'll work for Johnny?

Lucinda

HAHAHHAHAHAHA Maybe Cathy. Not sure if he'd wanna try though.

cathyromine

I read it to Johnny, he said that's
Tennesse! He didn't laugh like I did, lol
I'm going to put on myspace, lol

Hey Cindy, Congratulations on your newest
member to your team! "Way To Go"!

cathyromine

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.

Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

cathyromine

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."

Lucinda

Thanks Cathy.
Poor guy from the balcony. Hillarious!

cathyromine

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied,

"Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

cathyromine

kitty and Lady Find Love

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes.

''I wish I was 21 and beautiful!'' The wish is instantly granted.

''I wish I had a million dollars!'' The wish is granted.

''I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the world and was madly in love with me.'' The wish is granted. The now young lady and her man go inside. They start to cuddle, and the man looks at her.

''Aren't you upset that you had me fixed?''